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Thursday, 8 April 2010

When is a bride not a bride?

Take a look at this picture. A happy wedding day? Bride and groom celebrating their wedding outside the church?

Wrong. Ross proposed to Penny two and a half years ago, asked her to be his lawful wedded wife. He bought her a huge sparkling engagement ring, booked a dream wedding at Sandals, in Antigua.

But then he got cold feet. Told Penny his family didn’t want him to marry. Penny was devastated told him they’d been together for eight years, he’d brought her children up from when they were tiny as his own, surely he could make a commitment to her.

Instead he went to see the local vicar, persuaded him to carry out a commitment ceremony for them. It’s the ceremony gay and lesbian couples used to have before civil partnership ceremonies and has no legal grounding. The vicar agreed, Penny wasn’t so sure, but thought at least he was declaring his commitment to her in front of family and friends.

The church was booked, family and friends invited, nieces and nephews were bridesmaids and pageboys.It should have been perfect, but as the day went on Penny realised it was all fake. 

He didn’t take her to be his lawfully wedded wife at all. The ceremony had no grounding in law, no grounding in anything. They still weren’t man and wife. Her huge sparkler wasn’t a diamond, it was the biggest fake diamond he’d been able to buy and now they’d had a fake wedding.

To add insult to injury they still went to Sandals on holiday where they had originally booked to get married and she sobbed she watched other women getting married on the beach instead of her. They returned back home and Penny told Ross how she felt, that it had all been a fake, that it wasn’t real. He didn’t understand what was wrong, couldn’t see the problem.

They struggled on but just a year later Penny found out that Ross had started seeing Emma, a pole dancer. Penny confronted him and told him enough was enough. She and her children moved out into a rental property. But the last year had taken its toll and just before Christmas she suffered a mental breakdown, if it wasn’t for her children she doubts she’d be here at all now. She spent several weeks in hospital but now she’s at home with them rebuilding her life and moving on.

Penny, who’s 45, said: “I can’t believe he gave me a fake diamond engagement ring and then we had a fake wedding. I’ve been left with nothing from our relationship and a pole dancer is living in my home of 10 years. I must be the only straight woman in Britain who’s taken part in a commitment ceremony and after what it did to me, I hope I’m the last.

Ross said: “When I proposed to Penny I really did mean it. But my family put pressure on me not to go ahead. I thought the commitment ceremony was a good compromise but it wasn’t enough for Penny, she kept calling it a fake wedding. I met Emma last September and started seeing her. I thought our relationship was over anyway. Penny is still angry now but I’m getting on with my life.”

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